Wild Card: Cokie Mason

Cokie Mason was known at Stoneybrook High as the #1 Marilyn Manson fan, despite owning exactly zero Marilyn Manson albums. She did however, wear an XL concert T-shirt of his with a dog collar necklace and generous smears of liquid eyeliner. Her study hall was overcrowded during her sophomore year, and she was part of the overflow that was moved to the field house bleachers for that period. She liked to rough house with her two best friends, Grace and Allie, when the supervisor wasn’t watching, which was usually. That’s how she caught the eye of Kyle Kozykowski, a junior of middling attractiveness and even less charisma, but he liked Cokie, and that’s what mattered and how it started.

She fell hard and fast for Kyle, tongue kissing him at his locker, sitting between his legs in the park after school with their friends, and eventually, losing her virginity to him in his basement bedroom while “Sick Bubblegum” by Rob Zombie played on his boom box.

One day, a distraught Grace pulled Cokie aside after school to tell her that Kyle had called her on the phone the night before “Just to talk or whatever” and wound up asking her if she ever touched herself. Cokie, convinced she wasn’t fulfilling Kyle’s sexual needs, did what she figured any reasonable teenager would do when faced with her partner’s apparent tiring of their lovemaking. She hightailed it to the mall, spent all the money she currently had on various shimmery thong and bra sets from Hot Topic, then had Grace take a series of Polaroid photos of her modeling them. She selected the best ones and stuck them into Kyle’s sweatshirt pocket at his locker, whispering “Happy Anniversary!” in his ear, even though they’d only been dating for 3 months.

It took 2 days of snickering and passing comments in the hallways for Cokie to realize that Kyle had shown the photos to all of the guys in his gym class locker room. A few of the raunchier ones had even been making the rounds through the hallways, bathrooms, and cafeteria lunch tables. Cokie retaliated by starting an untrue pregnancy rumor that spread like wildfire, so powerfully in fact, that it made its way to the guidance counselor. Sobbing, Cokie came clean about everything, the phone call to Grace, the photos, the taunting, it was all she could think of to do. Visibly sympathetic, the guidance counselor was soon joined by the principal, who didn’t mince words. Cokie was expelled for bringing inappropriate photos to school. Kyle, who denied knowing that they were ever out of his possession, got one day out of school suspension, a day he spent masturbating to internet porn, Cokie’s underwear photos having been confiscated.

Walking out of the school, her fuming mother 3 paces ahead, Cokie stopped in front of the glass door to the library and fixed eyes on Mary Anne, who was sitting at a table staring at her from over an open book, mouth slightly agape, in the way everyone else had been staring at her for the last week. Before she knew what she was doing, she raised a stiff middle finger at Mary Anne through the glass door.

After she was expelled, Cokie was sent to a very, very alternative boarding school in the mountains of Kentucky. She slept in canvas covered tents and learned how to cook outdoors with hand-torn strips of cardboard dipped in wax, then set aflame under ventilated upside down coffee cans. In lieu of taking the SATS, she embarked on a Survival Challenge where she was sent out into the middle of the woods with nothing but a liter of water, a few packets of honey, and a whistle.

From there, Cokie traveled throughout the US in an inherited Toyota Camry, stopping into every major city to utilize the market she was in, which was bondage modeling, until it was tapped, before moving on to the next. Finally, she found herself in LA. She befriended a nightlife photographer with a very strong internet presence through her makeup artist roommate, and became his sidekick/muse. She wore faux fur jackets year round and learned that her first name was conveniently applicable to her growing fondness for Blow. She was shunned from the LA scene in 2007 when she punched an almost famous Katy Perry in the neck at a party. She made a quiet exit, and flew back to the East Coast.

Now, she works at a Coyote Ugly-esque bar in Hell’s Kitchen. She has a Chihuahua with a wilted left ear named Charlie that she bought on a whim, a decent checking account, and a coffee can full of undeposited tips. That’s the main thing she remembers from The Liberty Mountain Academy for Ascended Learning down in Samsville, Kentucky, to never underestimate the many uses of an empty coffee can.

Wild Card: Cokie Mason

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